Moments of Change

Everytime I am faced with the nudge of the Holy Spirit to embrace new truth, or let go of something, or give something to Him, I go through this process in my mind and heart that is now surprising me. Why each time I am flooded by this process still eludes me, but it happens evertime. I am thinking that surely by now I would eagerly be obedient,  but instead this process happens that goes like this.
I would be in the middle of deciding to respond to the nudge of the Holy Spirit and in comes a tsunami of emotions, and fears, and disappointments that I didn't really want to admit nor deal with. I rock back and forth with each wave that crashes over me, until I finally just speak out my decision to embrace the truth, or give Him that area of my life He ask for, or let go of what He ask me to. Immediately following is the admitting of the fears, and reluctance,  and all else that was plaguing me, and keeping me from focusing on what God was saying to me and keeping me from making my decision. The relief comes slowly after, but it comes. Everytime I would expect it to come immediately,  but it never happens. I don't know if that expectation will ever stop in me. Now I can focus on what I am supposed to be doing again, for what was plaguing me is in God's hands.
I know and trust His faithfulness to keep His word. I must, by His grace, keep focus on Him, remain in Him and in His yoke.